Kimberly's trip to London

What a great day. First it started off sunny and about 45 degrees, so I should have known it was going to be a good day.
I had a chest x-ray, a pulmonary function test, and then got to meet the whole crew at the clinic. Patrice is our nurse for both myself and Annika at the children's clinic, which is nice because then we will see her on a regular basis.
Dr. Nigel Paterson is a gem. He is an older doctor from "down under" With a wicked accent and a great sense of humour!
David and I instantly took to him. His bed side manner is amazing.
He was so positive about my cf, and we all agreed that seeing him once a year was enough as far as treatment for me. He believes that I will be around for many decades to torture my husband...lol! So as you can imagine, all my tests came back negative and clear.
He is booking an appointment with an ENT in London for me for my sinuses , but he seems to think they are not cf related. But we will leave that up to the ENT, since he has more experience in that area. Also he addressed my chronic constipation, talking about DIOS, but believing it is not that either. So he is booking a GI specialist appointment for me, but in the mean time he put me on Domperdione to stimulate my bowels. If it works, it is defiantly not DIOS. The funny thing is that medication also brings on breast milk and ups your production, so I guess I will be hunting for new bras, and Annika will be chug a lugging....lol. Oh well Dolly Parton is an okay look right???
So over all he was a sweet doctor, actually sat and talked to us for almost an hour. And he is the first doctor to listen about my sinuses and constipation and actually do something about it besides say "take a decongestant and a laxative."

Annika is doing awesome. She did culture staph again so we have her on Lavender inhalations again, but she is showing no symptoms of staph, so we are not treating it with antibiotics. We will start Lactobacillus again in a stronger solution.
The goat's whey has really been helping with weight gain. And our homeopathic solutions seems to be keeping her pancreas and lungs working as well as to be expected. Since starting them, we have decreased her enzymes slightly, because we noticed her not pooping, so now we have her on one cotazym 8 for breast feeding and 1 1/2 with other food. That is a big cut back! So we are happy. I got her hawthorn in, but I am going to wait on that to test the waters of these other supplements first.
Annika's doctors are all aware of her holistic treatments.

I have to do a speech for our volunteers function this Friday, so pray I keep it together. I wrote it in the car ride yesterday, and when I read it back to David on two different occasions, I broke down. The memories came flooding back. They are using Annika's montage at this dinner, so that will be nice.

The Great Strides Walk video-A Dance with Annika

Please take the time to watch this little video. It has beena year in the making...lol. Thank you for all your time and help. Join us at The Great Strides walk this year.

Great Strides
Sunday, May 28, 2006, at 11:00 a.m. at the Ganatchio Trail (starting at Sandpoint Beach)
We will be hosting a FREE BBQ, kid's activities, a magic show, face painting,
scavenger hunt and balloons.

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=387ddef7959cca62c9976

A year later, and it still hurts so bad!

Well today is a cold, dreary day. It has been a very long day. I am sure a lot of my feelings are triggered by the lack of sleep, but the memories of a year ago are being flash backed through my mind. I am really not dealing with it well. This is the day that Annika was rushed from our county hospital to the city's NICU with a meconium ileus. I am so depressed today. Everything seems to remind me of the uncertainty I felt that day....the unknown, the fears, the pain. And knowing now that it was the start of a huge change in our lives., the day cystic fibrosis became an unseen enemy in our lives. I remember seeing her hooked up to tubes and I.V's wondering what I did to deserve this fate for our beautiful daughter. What did the future bring???? Was there a future???? My goodness, I never thought I would feel like this , and remember all those emotions I went through. This disease is who we are now, and I know that Annika has amazing odds working in her court, and I pray in her lifetime and mine they find a cure or a way to live with this disease, but on days like this, depression takes hold, all the what ifs jump into my mind. I pray God gives me the strength to get through this day, and to talk things through with David when he gets home from work. I know a part of me is being so silly with this whole reliving that day. Every time I think of what happened just a year ago, I try to shake the memory. I look at Annika and think, look at her she is doing so well. She is 17lbs and full of energy. Treatments are going well and she is on no medications except enzymes and ventolin, so why am I worried. Enjoy each day, pray for many , many more.
Last night David got a small cake for just us to enjoy. Parker, David ,Annika and myself. We sang happy birthday and Parker blew out the candle. At the end of the song Dave added, "and many more birthdays" Why did that bother me so? We have said that at the end of "Happy Birthday " before. We wishes secretly(to reveal to each other later ) that Annika see so many birthday candles one day that people can tease her that the cake is on fire....lol
I know this is a natural part of healing, but I feel like my nerves are fried! Poor Parker today, he has pushed buttons in me that I didn't even know I had. My parents are taking him for the next two nights, which I so appreciate.
I don't know what I would do without family and friends.
I don't feel like I am enjoying Annika's Dance, I feel like I am destroying all we have worked to over come this past year.