*You've used puppets, toys, sung, danced, pleaded and generally made a
fool out of yourself all in an effort to get your child to eat
*You've stockpiled enough applesauce to start your own factory
*You find loose enzyme beads literally everywhere: the car, your
clothes, on the ceiling (not joking)
*You count more calories than sheep
*You add salt to everything and use butter as a general cooking base
even when a recipe doesn't call for it
*You panic when your child sneezes
*Your child coughs and you immediately chant "albuterol four times a day!"
*You check websites daily for news about a cure
*You're house has more medications than the pharmacy
*You've actually found yourself explaining a medication to the
pharmacist, instead of the other way around
*You've considered dying all your child's clothes yellow or orange to
hide the vitamin stains
*Your medical bills are looking more and more like the national debt
*You've prayed for your child to be fat
*You've actually found yourself exclaiming angrily in the grocery
store upon discovering extra-cheesy mac doesn't have more calories
than regular (sadly true)
*You know what the poopie dance is, and you've done it
*You've had long involved discussions with other parents about poop
*You've started referring to everything in acronyms
*You can describe the hospital's daily menu in exact detail
*Purel and Lysol are in every room in your house
*You've considered life-long quarantine for your child
*You've told someone off for coughing near your child
*You have multiple doctors on speed dial
*You've memorized all the doctor's phone numbers but can't remember
your own
*You refer to CPT as your child's nightly beating
*You've bought a fancy baby scale for peace of mind
*The pediatrician sees you more often than their own staff
*You tend to refer to life AD & BD, After Diagnosis and Before Diagnosis
*You've cried over half a pound
*Your child comes with an instruction manual if you leave them with a
babysitter
*You've forgotten what normal is
*You find empty enzyme capsules in your pockets & in the seats of your car
*Your child wears a neb mask more easily than they do a hat
*Your child has started trying to do their own CPT
*You've forgotten to put meds in the nebulizer and actually let it run
several minutes before discovering the problem
*Your child's vest machine has logged more hours than your car has miles
*You think it's normal to spend four hours at the doctor's office for
a regular visit
*Your child could start her own medical practice, she has so many
doctor's kits & medical related toys
*Half of your child's vocabulary consists of medical terms
*Your child routinely tells complete strangers all about the "icky
germs" in her lungs
*You fear Chucky Cheese and other similar festering germ pools
*You've taught your child to run away if another kid coughs or sneezes
near them
*You've developed sick child radar and can instantly spot a runny nose
from across the room
*You own more children's movies than Blockbuster because they're
useful for treatment time and during those long stays in the hospital
*Your child begs to do treatments so she can watch tv or do a special
activity
*You have entire drawers and cabinets devoted to your child's medical
equipment
*You've replaced the hand towels in your home with paper towel dispensers
*You've learned to calculate max daily enzymes by body weight in your head
*The nurses at the hospital and doctors office know you on sight
*You own a medical-grade stethoscope and have learned to use it
*You own every kids book about doctors and hospitals that has been written
*You begin most phone conversations by stating your child's name and
date of birth
