This weekend has been a different one for sure. Full of extreme highs and extreme lows. Parker had a great weekend , full of firsts. Annika has had a horrible weekend full of pain. David has been preparing to go back to work tomorrow. I have tried to keep busy and distracted. Between getting things ready for my girl guide unit, caring for Annika, cancelling a planned camping trip, rejoicing with my son and trying to keep up with regular responsibilities. I have tried to forget how truly painful this weekend has been for me. I didnt remind my family that this weekend marked two years since I lost my father. October 2, 2018 at 11:50pm my father took his last breath, and I wasn't able to be by his side when he passed. I was laying in a hospital being prepared for a bowel resection. I never got to say goodbye. Shortly after his passing I was discharged to come home and heal. My son misses his night time stories of police and military. My daughter misses his whistling, kisses and egg sandwiches. I miss everything about him. My mom was starting to become positive, and looking forward to traveling with her best friend. Sadly that never happened. Within 5 months of my dad's death my mom's best friend was dead from cancer. The one thing my mom and her best friend shared was a cancer diagnosis. In February of 2019 my mom was diagnosed with leukemia.Now I had to focus on her battle, and put my mourning aside. I had to stay focused and positive. I had to put everyone else before my needs. Why ? Because that is what a daughter, mother and wife does when there family needs her. She exists for them.
I struggled with my health. I watched my daughter struggle with her health, and I watched my mother slowly deteriorate.
Then came this cursed COVID-19 virus. A virus that I have lost friends too. A virus that has stole so much from so many people. A virus that forced everyone into isolation and changed the way people interacted with everyone. During this virus I watched my mother take her last breath on March 27 , 2020 at 4:55 am in the morning. I was honoured to hold her hand while she did it. Her son and I were by her side . It was the most beautiful thing, yet the most horrific thing I have ever witnessed. My best friend was gone....and now more than ever I feel her loss because I no longer have a cheerleader in the sidelines to remind me that everything was going to be ok. My mother would always remind me that this too will pass. I have suffered so much loss in such a short time , and still have not allowed myself to grieve. And today my daughter faces another admission of isolation with only me by her side . No visitors, only me because of Covid-19. I face taking my daughter into the battlefield, only to be possibly exposed to God knows what because her pain is worsening. Her pain is my pain. I do not have the support of my father calling me trying to cheer me up. I do not have my mother giving me the biggest bear hug. My biggest supporters are gone. I miss them desperately. I sit in this ER room, remembering being here last in March 2020. When I had to make medical decisions for my mother. I am reminded of her passing with every second here.
