All about sickness?

I just got a slap in the face from an online "friend" today. Based on a comment I made to her, and a smart remark from one of her online "Psych grad" friends. I am apparently all about sickness. Really? Me.....no!!!!! Would it have to do with the 34 admissions Annika and I have had over the last 4 years ( that's averaging 8.5 admissions a year) not to include the cystic fibrosis clinics for Annika and myself every 3 months ( and these are never on the same day of course) or the repeat PFT testing, blood, and xrays that arise as outpatient because of these admissions. Wonder why I would be all about sickness? I just can figure that out.......lol.
You know  any of my friends and family who see me and talk to me all the time , knows that that comment is full of SHIT! As a friend and family member I am always putting others first. I am always helping and supporting when I can. As a friend , I also expect alot in return. Some may think I can be demanding, while others may think I am too giving.
Look as I see it, I just try my best. I am human, and I make errors......Many errors over the years. But for someone who barely knows me to state a shitty remark like that, well is not much of a psych grad. Can't wait to see the counselling sessions they will be in charge of.
My FACE BOOK PAGE WAS CREATED TO UPDATE MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS AROUND THE WORLD ABOUT ANNIKA'S AND MY HEALTH
So if you don't want to read about our health issues, take us off your list. I didn't create an account to socialize, I have face to face friends to do that. My Face book account is solely for updates about our journey with cystic fibrosis. If that is too heavy for you, and our reality sucks for you? Then it is easy, take me off your list.
Often this blog is where I can go to vent. I can swear, I can bitch, I can talk about my frustrations with this disease. This disease, that right now has the upper hand ( but not forever, just right now) and the last thing I have tolerance for is a double standard. Don't bitch an complain about other cf parents, when you can't take the crap yourself!
Anyone who knows me , knows I have no tolerance for he said /she said crap. So when you bring someone into a discussion that doesn't even know me, then I get pissed. I would love to give a few people some schooling on dealing with illness.....really all about sickness. With what our family has gone through in the last year I should be in a FUCKING MENTAL WARD!

Can I get an AMEN.....errr I mean a PICC line.

Well it has been going on 12 weeks that I have had a cough. Four rounds of antibiotics, and it still hurts to breathe, and I am coughing so bad that I am puking up anything I eat or drink. I have bumped up physio, I am doing nebs and inhaled meds, I am resting, and patiently waiting for Thursday to come. I get a picc line put in on Thursday. Today I can't keep much in due to the coughing. I have been coughing so bad that I actually missed seeing my cat, and tripped over him and fell on my shoulder, which is now KILLING ME! I am debating going into the ER just to get hydrated and then coming home. So very frustrating. I am afraid if I go into the hospital, that they may want to keep me. It hurts to breath, it hurts to move my arm and life is just sucking big time right now. So that's the skinny!

A gumble and an ache

Well that was a hell of a two week journey. Three different antibiotics in four weeks. Pain killers and injectable gravol where a necessary commodity in my household. Three ER visits were more than enough! The kids counted the holes on my arms and hands after the last visit and it totalled 13 puncture wounds~
I often wonder when this insanity will get any better. During the illness, time travels so fast, I think because I sleep through days at a time. I know during my illness outbreaks that time travels so slowly for everyone else. David has to take on extra responsibilities. My parents and friends step up to the plate. My kids pray and wish for their mom back. There is nothing normal about a 6 year old wiping the brow of their mother, after she finishing hugging the toilet for an hour. There is nothing fair about the statement at all! My husband never signed up for this, nor did I. I really don't think when young people marry, that they really understand the importance of their vows. I am not the energetic, vivacious young lady my husband fell in love with. I am sure I never will be again. I always hate the week after the illness. You know the week where most are thankful for feeling better. While I am glad I am no longer puking every five minutes, and the pain is gone. I am also thankful that I don't have to nap everyday right now, I can't help but have this overwhelming feeling of guilt. A guilt that I know is foolish, but nevertheless, I have guilt. I have guilt for still relying on my parents to care for me, in my 40th year of life, I have guilt that I am not the mother my children need, I have guilt that I am a needy friend, I have guilt that I am not the life partner my husband needs. I have guilt. Sometimes I wonder if this guilt will ever get better. Don't get me wrong, I have excepted the fact that I have cf, but at times of sickness, I have to remind myself that cf does not have me. Period.
So this week is a week of reflection, or catching up, and of rest. This week is the first of healing, and moving forward once again. This week is the first week of the rest of my life.

Come visiting my cousin visiting and an I get a unexpected ER trip

Well I came up to London on Wednesday with plans to stay over night and to be here to support my mom in her shoulder surgery, and to also support my cousin and his extended family during a really trying time. Well I should have known how this trip would lay out. My mother's surgery was cancelled, for reasons unknown. I still made the trek to support my little buddy Breanna. I am chairing a fundraiser for her and her family. Feel free to check out her website: www.breannasbattle.weebly.com.
Well the visit had been going generally well. We were getting a lot of ideas and work completed. I stayed in the families room at Ronald McDonald's House. The construction to the house is completed , and it turned out beautiful! When I woke up this morning I felt like a train hit me....SIDEWAYS! I called my CF nurse, and she told me the doctor wanted me in the ER. I was struggling to take a deep breath because I was in abdominal pain.
My cousin was going into surgery, and I really struggle with the decision to got to the ER.
Once I registered in the ER , I left them my cell phone number so that they could call me when a bed was available. They were wonderful about this, knowing my cousin was going into surgery.
Once I was seen by a doctor, after 13 attempts, they got blood and an IV started. Urine was done, an xray was taken, they hydrated me and gave me something for the pain. The results of the testing came back that I had a severe kidney infection. Fun stuff! The doctor discharged me with a new antibiotic ( the third in 2 months) and some pain meds until the antibiotics did their job.
My cousin was so supportive and loving. Luckily, I was able to stay the night tonight again. I have been vomiting, and still feel like crap. I can't take any pain meds for the car ride home tomorrow.
The guilt I am feeling because I got sick, and took some of the attention from Bree is horrible. I hope my cousins can forgive me. I really didn't plan an ER visit during this trip. Honest! Let's hope tomorrow both Bree and I are feeling better.

Just another day

Sometimes I just have to shake my head and think " Just another day?" Often, I think people around me take for granted the gift of good health. You know that mythical thing our family struggles with...lol. We have all been passing around a cold bug for the last few weeks...back and forth, round and round. Parker, Dave, Mom and dad all processed it with a stuffed up nose and a few yucky days. Mine went right to my chest, as you very well know if you read this blog. Annika had been dealing with this bug for about 10 days now, just complaining of a snotty nose, nothing really coming of it, until last night. I should have know that something was coming of it after doing her saline nasal rinse, she complained of a sore ear. That night a fever developed and she was up half the night with a earache. This morning , still a low grade fever and her ear is killing her. I kept her home from school, and put a call into her cf clinic. We both made pinkie swears to stay out of the hospital for the holidays. Christmas is only days away....the countdown has begun. Let's pray her doctor calls something in to do the trick! Why would today be any different from any other day....after all it is just another day!