Friday, January 27, 2012

A gumble and an ache

Well that was a hell of a two week journey. Three different antibiotics in four weeks. Pain killers and injectable gravol where a necessary commodity in my household. Three ER visits were more than enough! The kids counted the holes on my arms and hands after the last visit and it totalled 13 puncture wounds~
I often wonder when this insanity will get any better. During the illness, time travels so fast, I think because I sleep through days at a time. I know during my illness outbreaks that time travels so slowly for everyone else. David has to take on extra responsibilities. My parents and friends step up to the plate. My kids pray and wish for their mom back. There is nothing normal about a 6 year old wiping the brow of their mother, after she finishing hugging the toilet for an hour. There is nothing fair about the statement at all! My husband never signed up for this, nor did I. I really don't think when young people marry, that they really understand the importance of their vows. I am not the energetic, vivacious young lady my husband fell in love with. I am sure I never will be again. I always hate the week after the illness. You know the week where most are thankful for feeling better. While I am glad I am no longer puking every five minutes, and the pain is gone. I am also thankful that I don't have to nap everyday right now, I can't help but have this overwhelming feeling of guilt. A guilt that I know is foolish, but nevertheless, I have guilt. I have guilt for still relying on my parents to care for me, in my 40th year of life, I have guilt that I am not the mother my children need, I have guilt that I am a needy friend, I have guilt that I am not the life partner my husband needs. I have guilt. Sometimes I wonder if this guilt will ever get better. Don't get me wrong, I have excepted the fact that I have cf, but at times of sickness, I have to remind myself that cf does not have me. Period.
So this week is a week of reflection, or catching up, and of rest. This week is the first of healing, and moving forward once again. This week is the first week of the rest of my life.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Come visiting my cousin visiting and an I get a unexpected ER trip

Well I came up to London on Wednesday with plans to stay over night and to be here to support my mom in her shoulder surgery, and to also support my cousin and his extended family during a really trying time. Well I should have known how this trip would lay out. My mother's surgery was cancelled, for reasons unknown. I still made the trek to support my little buddy Breanna. I am chairing a fundraiser for her and her family. Feel free to check out her website:
Well the visit had been going generally well. We were getting a lot of ideas and work completed. I stayed in the families room at Ronald McDonald's House. The construction to the house is completed , and it turned out beautiful! When I woke up this morning I felt like a train hit me....SIDEWAYS! I called my CF nurse, and she told me the doctor wanted me in the ER. I was struggling to take a deep breath because I was in abdominal pain.
My cousin was going into surgery, and I really struggle with the decision to got to the ER.
Once I registered in the ER , I left them my cell phone number so that they could call me when a bed was available. They were wonderful about this, knowing my cousin was going into surgery.
Once I was seen by a doctor, after 13 attempts, they got blood and an IV started. Urine was done, an xray was taken, they hydrated me and gave me something for the pain. The results of the testing came back that I had a severe kidney infection. Fun stuff! The doctor discharged me with a new antibiotic ( the third in 2 months) and some pain meds until the antibiotics did their job.
My cousin was so supportive and loving. Luckily, I was able to stay the night tonight again. I have been vomiting, and still feel like crap. I can't take any pain meds for the car ride home tomorrow.
The guilt I am feeling because I got sick, and took some of the attention from Bree is horrible. I hope my cousins can forgive me. I really didn't plan an ER visit during this trip. Honest! Let's hope tomorrow both Bree and I are feeling better.