How do I stay sane?

 

This is the photo that gets me through each day in this sterile, lonely hospital. I look at this picture of a fantastic family, and I remember what I am fighting for! I fight for my husband, and the love he has devoted to me over the past 14 years. I fight for the snuggle and squeezes my son demands of me when I am around, now going on 5 years strong, and for the evil-eyed large smiled hugs and hair pulling I get from our daughter when she thinks I am not paying enough attention to her. I miss everything good and bad, and can't wait to get home to feel it all again. They are trying to get a mid-line put in my arm(simialar to a picc line , but not as long....it doesn't go into your artery by your heart) they can do it in you room, I have the emla on freezing it as I type. My liver enzymes are 3 times higher then when admitted so this concerns them, and they are taking me off some meds. Also STILL waiting for the biosopy reports and the reports from the tests done in Hamilton. Will I , or won't I have a major bowel surgery??? Who knows. Please pray for my family and me, and for our sanity. Love to you all
Kimberly xoxoxo

My kids are staying at my mom and dad's for a few days , so Dave can come up and be with me. Annika is now off her IV treatment, and the port is totally healed. She looks great. She has been complaining about how it hurts when she goes pee, so she will see the Dr. on Thursday. Parker went fishing the other day with his dad, and caught some fish. My mom BBQ on up for him to eat. Supposably he kept me a peice to savour when I get home. I PRAY that is just a figure of speech or my house will smell pretty bad if it is in his bed like he told me tonight.....lol. The kids miss me alot, and that makes me feel both horrible( because no kid should have to have their mom in the hospital this much) and it makes me happy ( to know that no matter what I do or say, I am number one in their lives) I MISS THEM SO MUCH IT HURTS! My mom and dad where creative ( I sure it was pappa's doing) and sent me the attached photo, it made me day, heck my whole week. I thought I would share it with you all.Tomarrow I have to have a barium enema and xrays. Thursday we head over to Hamilton hospital for a motiality test with more things being shoved up my butt and things being drained out of my body. YUCK! They are looking for a few things but mostly want to rule ouy Hirshsprungs disease. So we will see, I am in the hospital at least another 4 days. If anyone is bored you can send me pictures or emails, I have my laptop now, and I check in at least twice a day, in between naps from my drugs.....ahhh at least the pain is under control. I will talk to you all soon, Hugs and XXXXX's.

What,Who,Where, and When???

Well another morning I wake throwing off my covers to a screaming child....only to realize I am dreaming about my kids having a nightmare, and I wake up rushing to rescue them from whatever creature that has snuck into their rooms.....but then I remember I am in my own nightmare. Since June 1st I have been calling St. Mike's home. I MISS MY KIDS! I miss their little kisses and hugs, I have to be happy to catching them over the phone line,, and listening to the grunts of a pretend phone hug. God it hurts me to be away from them. I will be the first to admit I am in no condition to care for them right now. I am on the 14th container of a 4 LITRE jug of Peg lyte. I cleared out for the clonoscopy, but I am full again. On Thursday I go for a motilaty test in Hamilton, since no place in T.O does it. Fun stuff. So more poop tests, bioposies and xrays, Oh yeah and an ultrasound. I have been sleeping in between these procedures, asking for pain killers and gravol. My life sucks right now, I NEED to get better.

At St. Michael's In Toronto...should I start paying rent?

Well as you all know, I came to Toronto on Friday May 31st to see Dr. Durie for my first GI consult with him. He did the normal blood work and xrays. To my surprise he asked to admit me right away. He knew I was in pain, but my xrays showed a very extended bowel, one that was very full. He suggested we get my self cleaned out and get a few tests done. Well I proceeded to be put on morphine for pain and gravol, because I started to vomit. The sad thing was I went out to dinner with a good friend of mine for sushi the night before and let me tell you sushi tastes better going in than coming out! I have been in pain for over a week, but refused to tell my parents because they would have wanted me to go to Met, and I refuse to go to a hospital that has no idea about cf, or bowel obstructions. Since I have been in Toronto I have drank 9 - 4 litres of pegliyte( they call it go lightly here, they must have never used it, because you defianetly don't go lightly) I went in for a colonscopy yesterday and they did 4 biopsies of differant areas of my bowel. I have to wait for the results of those. They are keeping me over the weekend because they want to do a major biopsy that involves removing several inches of the bowel to test for some disease I can't pronouce( it starts with a H) It is a major surgery, so I am nervous about this, and I miss my kids a lot. I miss my hudband, and his touch. So I am drugged to the gill and trying to stay comfortable. The doctors are good, and the ward I am on is a cf ward so sanitization is amazing here. I am impressed on that one. So if my spelling or grammer is crazy, I blame the drugs, and I am sticking to that story.If you want to get ahold of me call St. Michaels at 416-864-5454 room #681 and ask for Kimberly . I would love to hear from you. Annika's port is been unaccessed , and IV drugs are done. David is still off of work, so he has been taking care of the kids. What a trooper he is. I am so proud of him. If anyone wants to do anything for him make a meal and bring it over for him. I am sure he is tried of fast food. Or he might need help with laundry or house cleaning? Just a suggestion. Annika is still complaning that her pee-pee hurts, so Dave is going to get that checked out. She is on vancomyacin for c-diff, and of course this med is not covered by any drug plan, so there is a mortgage payment out of our pocket. The Kinsmen helped a bit, so that was a relief. No one has been up to see me yet. I won't let them come up until the other surgery is planned. It is to big of a cost, and the kids need Dave and my parents. Dave could use a break though!Also keep in mind that I don't know how long I will be in here. At least we are doing something and finding out some answers. Love to you all. Send prayers for me, and most of all my kids and David. I am sure his sanity is in question now a days!

Kimberly

Saturday,June 2, 2007

Kim went into St Michael's Hospital in Toronto on Friday, June 1, 2007. She is full of it again. they have admitted her and put her on Peg Lite, Morphine and Gravol. They plan on doing a intestinal biopsy as soon as she is cleaned out. The doseages have been upped on both the morphine and gravol. If you would like to contact Kim call 416-864-5454 room #681. Annika is doing great, her port is healing good and she is done her antibiotics as of today. Kim will also have her computer in the next day or two, so you can contact her that way as well. Posted by Sherry and Todd Jarrold