Evil vs good, is kindness just as hard to find in the real world?

Last night could be classified as a living night in hell. I have never lost control of my body like that before. I went through 5 pairs of underwear and three pajama outfits. I had the nurse change the sheets 3 times. That was in addition to the 2 times mom and I had changed them.
Earlier in the night mom and I went for a stroll outside to hunt for dinner and to get some fresh air. Well on the way back to the hospital I noticed that I probably pushed myself to far. When we got back to the hospital I had started the access to my GI tube with Peg Lyte, four litres of it.So we started eating soup and bubble tea. Well ,the dam broke and there was no way of holding it back. I stoped counting how many trips I had made to the bathroom. And worst yet how many trips I didn't make to the bathroom. I slept naked from the bottom down, thats why there are so many more clothes to wash, between all the wires and the extreme pain, I couldn't make it fast enough to the toilet. I felt so helpless.
I remember last night begging a nurse( gotta find out this witches name) for morphine by IV, because the pill wasn't doing anything fast enough.She continued to talk to me like a little child and reminded me about addiction, blah, blah, blah. I told her to be quiet ad that I am a 35 year old woman that is able to make informed decisions for myelf, and addiction was not an issue right now, get me the damm drugs. Funny how I always get a new nurse after one of these episodes with my temper. Those tempers usually come with a threat about calling the head of the nursing staff . I absolutely hate nurses that know how to read doctors orders, but throw a fit with the patients when it comes time to giving them the narcotics. This is to tiring, the battle between good nurse and bad nurse. Unfortunetly there are more bad than good in this hospital.
I hope things heal up soon so I can go home to enjoy my family.My stomac, gut hurts so very bad today I can hadly walk, so my plans are to rest.Sleep and after putting another 4 litres into my GI tube....pooping will be on thr criteria....lol
Let's hope today goes better,
Kimberly and a visiting momma Barb.

Why humans don't remember alien abductions!

Okay after my drug indused alien abduction/sugery, I have woke up to my boring hospital bed and rude nurse. Now I know why people dont remember álien abductions, becuase if its a fraction of what has been done to me since in this hospitalis done to them, then there would be so much pain involved, the pain is something know one NEEDS to remember. My anus feels like another appendage of my body. My stomach is going through spasms, and I have been throwing up. Now I don't have to explain how that feels, you can imagine. I am tired of nurses looking at me as if they want to say "suck it up kid". When I just asked my nurse to call the doctor to ask for IV pain killers, because I threw up the last pill. She looks at me as if I am talking in another language. It amazes me how stunned they look when you ask for something for nausea or pain. Almost like I asking them to do somethin nude. And if I have one more nurse walk by me and say, I am not your nurse, I will tell her, then go sit on a chair to relax. Next nurse is going to wake up with a stunned look after i smack them off their chair, Please pray for healing and my sanity.
So I am barely drinking, I am not eating, I am trying though ,believe me.
I am still not pooping , I am in so much pain, HELP PLEASE. Send flowers or drawings or pictures of beuatiful things to look at.lol!

Poked, Push, cut,blah,blah,blah....

The first picture shows an incrediably pale mom about to be attacked by the forgiegn galatic of Saturn....their tribe is call"spegetiistretchinose: they are very quick and very aggressive. The alpha mom of the human race was not quick enough to miss their traps.
The tribe than takes her into their jail and poses her infront of their committee and disguuises what will be done toher will in captiviaty.Their leader"the surgeon"" trys to comfort you and remind you that the are not maneaters, only money eaters, and an associate of mine called OHIP has been generous to give them all the green food in exchage for the ""spegetistretchinose""services to repair the injured alpha mom.
So now that she feels assured that she is safe in captivity, the alpha mom agrees to the surgicall suggestions.
Once the alpha mom is comfortable and sedated, she finally falls asleep to allow the surgeons install their "GI tube"" to allow the alpa mom to clear out her gut in the near future,all the alpa mom wants to do is poop.

The alpha mom ws suppored by her mom, the alpha leader mom of the Jarrold tribe, now her daughter married a wonderful alpha male in the Hasson tribe, so everyones standings changed, but for the best. My mom stayed over night in a cot bed, sleeping with one eye opened,worried for her aplha baby girl.

In the morning after a long,hard toss filed night,we both arised to ourselves.
The "surgeon"came in to check on us, looking closely at the wound she created,leaving the jail happy with herself and the things she prescriped.
After lots of pulling, pushing, and tons of questions /i am off to relax and try to eat without vomitting, because I don't want to insult the surgeons right now. Cheers
The alpha mom.

The big day, has it arrived?

I write from my early morning in bed. Last night was a terrible sleep. Between the discomfort of my bowel and worry, sleep evaded me last night, even with two sleeping pills I was wide awake to 5:15 AM this morning. I have been wordering lots of things. Will they do the procedure like stated. If so how much pain will I be in, will there be any complications. Will I go home next week. God I pray everything goes well. I hope the ng and GI tube goes in with no troubles. I pray my mom will be here in time to console me. I MISS her so much, she is my best friend. I miss my dad, even his bossy ways....I know he wants the best for me. My husband and kids, no questions asked. My friends, and my family. Sherry has been a great support (my brother's sister) along with my brother. Angie and Dennis have stepped up to the plate as always. Pray that today the surgeoon's hands are blessed, and everything goes really good. Hopefully I will be able to post soon. Lots of love to my support in cyberspace.
Kimberly

Pokinga new hole in me

Today has been an absolutely horrific day for the gammet of feelings.I wasn't feeling good from waking at 6 am. I went back to sleep after taking some break through pain medication. I slept right through breakfest, snacking on a bowel of cereal when I woke. Shortly after waking I started getting bad bowl cramps, which have lasted all day long. After finishing my"breakfast"I started throwing up. Thank God it was just Cheerios, I urned away lunch.

At one in the afternoon, Dr. Stephenson came in to tell me all the results were in from Hamilton and the were 99% sure I didn't have Hirshsprungs'Disease. They she proceeded to tell me they were going to send me home and get me to come back in three weeks, beacuse they need the bed. Not only did she give the guilt trip about needing the bed, she proceeded to remind me that there were 3 cf patients in the ER that are really having a rough time, and they really would appreciate the bed. Talk about making me feel guilty, but it didn't work. I talked to Dr. Durie when he admitted me and said if I am being admitted I am not going home without a cure, answer or a method of remedy to prevent my chronic constipation.So don't try to guilting me into going home. One thing I have discovered in my past hospital stays, do not go home if you don't feel well, it will only result in a repeat hospital stay. If all these tests are not showing anything, and I am still constipated after over 20 litres of Peg lte, and I am throwing up and my liver enzymes are three times higher than normal, do "we"really think it is time for my to "throw in the cards"and give up my bed....I DON"T THINK SO! Unless Durie walks in an says he can't do anything, and that he was 100% wrong in telling me he would be able to help, do not come and ask me to leave here again. Funny how when you call a doctor out , their team starts getting things done. I am scheduled for the GI tube tomorrow. The plan is to have the tube installed. To clear my gut out totally, get me on a total liquid diet to start in the hospital and to send me home on a total liquid diet for over three weeks. This will allow me to give myself peg lyte without throwing in up from the taste, and it will allow my colon to relax and shrink down in size. I will be sent home next week providing everything goes well. So add me to your prayers, along with the surgeon doing the procedure. Once my colon has shrunk down, I will come back up to T.O for more tests. But at least it is a plan of action, and I can get out of this bed and hug my kids again. Everyone, even perfect strangers are probably getting tired of me telling them how much I miss Parker and Annika. I miss everyone. I have attached some pictures of a GI tube, etc.

God Bless everyone. PRAY, PRAY , PRAY!

Naked Honour.

A while ago, back in May of 2006. I had decided to honour the birth of my children by getting a tattoo created to finalize their birth. This tattoo was created by my dad, Fred who was just diagnosed with cancer, and then tweaked by the tattoo artist at Mind's Eye, Brick was his name. The Japanese Fighting fish represents my bassy, fighting attitude in life and my religous belief as a Christian. There are two roses in the tattoo. The first is a white one which symbolizes hope and it is over my first born's name, Parker, my handsome son. The second rose is red with the number 65 over it. It was placed over my second born, Annika. She is my spitfire, my beautiful daughter. I have a million dollar family. A Million dollars worth of love. The 65 and the red rose represents how children say cystic fibrosis....they say it 65 roses. Since both my daughter and I have this disease, I though that this was very fitting. The colours orange and purple on the fish are my childrens favorite colours. So a small tattoo to some, but a huge meaning to me.
God Bless
Kimberly

How do I stay sane?

 

This is the photo that gets me through each day in this sterile, lonely hospital. I look at this picture of a fantastic family, and I remember what I am fighting for! I fight for my husband, and the love he has devoted to me over the past 14 years. I fight for the snuggle and squeezes my son demands of me when I am around, now going on 5 years strong, and for the evil-eyed large smiled hugs and hair pulling I get from our daughter when she thinks I am not paying enough attention to her. I miss everything good and bad, and can't wait to get home to feel it all again. They are trying to get a mid-line put in my arm(simialar to a picc line , but not as long....it doesn't go into your artery by your heart) they can do it in you room, I have the emla on freezing it as I type. My liver enzymes are 3 times higher then when admitted so this concerns them, and they are taking me off some meds. Also STILL waiting for the biosopy reports and the reports from the tests done in Hamilton. Will I , or won't I have a major bowel surgery??? Who knows. Please pray for my family and me, and for our sanity. Love to you all
Kimberly xoxoxo

My kids are staying at my mom and dad's for a few days , so Dave can come up and be with me. Annika is now off her IV treatment, and the port is totally healed. She looks great. She has been complaining about how it hurts when she goes pee, so she will see the Dr. on Thursday. Parker went fishing the other day with his dad, and caught some fish. My mom BBQ on up for him to eat. Supposably he kept me a peice to savour when I get home. I PRAY that is just a figure of speech or my house will smell pretty bad if it is in his bed like he told me tonight.....lol. The kids miss me alot, and that makes me feel both horrible( because no kid should have to have their mom in the hospital this much) and it makes me happy ( to know that no matter what I do or say, I am number one in their lives) I MISS THEM SO MUCH IT HURTS! My mom and dad where creative ( I sure it was pappa's doing) and sent me the attached photo, it made me day, heck my whole week. I thought I would share it with you all.Tomarrow I have to have a barium enema and xrays. Thursday we head over to Hamilton hospital for a motiality test with more things being shoved up my butt and things being drained out of my body. YUCK! They are looking for a few things but mostly want to rule ouy Hirshsprungs disease. So we will see, I am in the hospital at least another 4 days. If anyone is bored you can send me pictures or emails, I have my laptop now, and I check in at least twice a day, in between naps from my drugs.....ahhh at least the pain is under control. I will talk to you all soon, Hugs and XXXXX's.

What,Who,Where, and When???

Well another morning I wake throwing off my covers to a screaming child....only to realize I am dreaming about my kids having a nightmare, and I wake up rushing to rescue them from whatever creature that has snuck into their rooms.....but then I remember I am in my own nightmare. Since June 1st I have been calling St. Mike's home. I MISS MY KIDS! I miss their little kisses and hugs, I have to be happy to catching them over the phone line,, and listening to the grunts of a pretend phone hug. God it hurts me to be away from them. I will be the first to admit I am in no condition to care for them right now. I am on the 14th container of a 4 LITRE jug of Peg lyte. I cleared out for the clonoscopy, but I am full again. On Thursday I go for a motilaty test in Hamilton, since no place in T.O does it. Fun stuff. So more poop tests, bioposies and xrays, Oh yeah and an ultrasound. I have been sleeping in between these procedures, asking for pain killers and gravol. My life sucks right now, I NEED to get better.

At St. Michael's In Toronto...should I start paying rent?

Well as you all know, I came to Toronto on Friday May 31st to see Dr. Durie for my first GI consult with him. He did the normal blood work and xrays. To my surprise he asked to admit me right away. He knew I was in pain, but my xrays showed a very extended bowel, one that was very full. He suggested we get my self cleaned out and get a few tests done. Well I proceeded to be put on morphine for pain and gravol, because I started to vomit. The sad thing was I went out to dinner with a good friend of mine for sushi the night before and let me tell you sushi tastes better going in than coming out! I have been in pain for over a week, but refused to tell my parents because they would have wanted me to go to Met, and I refuse to go to a hospital that has no idea about cf, or bowel obstructions. Since I have been in Toronto I have drank 9 - 4 litres of pegliyte( they call it go lightly here, they must have never used it, because you defianetly don't go lightly) I went in for a colonscopy yesterday and they did 4 biopsies of differant areas of my bowel. I have to wait for the results of those. They are keeping me over the weekend because they want to do a major biopsy that involves removing several inches of the bowel to test for some disease I can't pronouce( it starts with a H) It is a major surgery, so I am nervous about this, and I miss my kids a lot. I miss my hudband, and his touch. So I am drugged to the gill and trying to stay comfortable. The doctors are good, and the ward I am on is a cf ward so sanitization is amazing here. I am impressed on that one. So if my spelling or grammer is crazy, I blame the drugs, and I am sticking to that story.If you want to get ahold of me call St. Michaels at 416-864-5454 room #681 and ask for Kimberly . I would love to hear from you. Annika's port is been unaccessed , and IV drugs are done. David is still off of work, so he has been taking care of the kids. What a trooper he is. I am so proud of him. If anyone wants to do anything for him make a meal and bring it over for him. I am sure he is tried of fast food. Or he might need help with laundry or house cleaning? Just a suggestion. Annika is still complaning that her pee-pee hurts, so Dave is going to get that checked out. She is on vancomyacin for c-diff, and of course this med is not covered by any drug plan, so there is a mortgage payment out of our pocket. The Kinsmen helped a bit, so that was a relief. No one has been up to see me yet. I won't let them come up until the other surgery is planned. It is to big of a cost, and the kids need Dave and my parents. Dave could use a break though!Also keep in mind that I don't know how long I will be in here. At least we are doing something and finding out some answers. Love to you all. Send prayers for me, and most of all my kids and David. I am sure his sanity is in question now a days!

Kimberly

Saturday,June 2, 2007

Kim went into St Michael's Hospital in Toronto on Friday, June 1, 2007. She is full of it again. they have admitted her and put her on Peg Lite, Morphine and Gravol. They plan on doing a intestinal biopsy as soon as she is cleaned out. The doseages have been upped on both the morphine and gravol. If you would like to contact Kim call 416-864-5454 room #681. Annika is doing great, her port is healing good and she is done her antibiotics as of today. Kim will also have her computer in the next day or two, so you can contact her that way as well. Posted by Sherry and Todd Jarrold